dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
