Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
one might say we're banned from that church
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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