so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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