I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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