You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
