Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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