hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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