just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
