I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
