you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
