is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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