He had one of those small greek statue penises
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
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