When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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