oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
