Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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