wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
