he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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