Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
