don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
