Can i not drive my cunt home
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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