Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
