I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
