my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
