omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
