no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There r osticjed everywhere
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
