I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
