whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
