we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
