Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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