Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
did you just send me my own nude
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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