@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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