He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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