She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There r osticjed everywhere
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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