You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
