ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You are the jesus of drinking
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
