She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
