I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
