the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it glows. i had to have it.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
