We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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