Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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