I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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