Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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