found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
