dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
