Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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