My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
