Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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