Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
