You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
