shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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