when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
