dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
