Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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