remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
