I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
