Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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